Red Flags & Rabbit Holes: when a decision drifts off course - free tool inside
Newsletter #16
This week’s newsletter nearly didn’t happen.
I started writing it days ago and the night before it was scheduled to go out, it still wasn’t right, no matter what I did. I tried rewriting it - several times. Explored different angles and new questions - several times. I looked for some kind of external validation and, as my preferred procrastination drug of choice is overthinking in rabbit holes, I researched a bit more and then some more…
The thing was, I was too deep in it to realise that what I was doing wasn’t helping at all and in fact I’d totally convinced myself it was “just part of the process”.
And then something clicked, and a memory slotted into place. It was pretty cool actually, like when a seemingly random fact helps a TV detective suddenly solve a crime!
Let me explain.
Earlier this year, like so many people, I had flu and then an awful cough - the kind of cough where you can’t sleep properly, so you prop yourself up and you drift off and then your head nods and you wake up … and you repeat, again, and again, and again. You know those nights that seem to last sooooo long, but the mornings still come too quickly? Well I had way too many of those.
Anyway after five weeks, I guiltily made an appointment with the GP – guiltily because the NHS website said it was perfectly normal to have a cough that lasted this long. What it didn’t mention was the pain of every cough in my right lung and don’t even get me started on the agony of a sneeze!
The GP gave me a prescription for a course of antibiotics and sent me straight to A&E for a chest x-ray. It seemed the infection had impacted an old lung injury and I also had pleurisy, something that felt straight out of Dickensian London. Luckily the antibiotics worked their magic and the cough went fairly easily and another 6 weeks later the pain in my lung was finally gone too.
Once I was starting to feel brighter, I shared with my bestie how I’d just not realised how ill I’d become . . . because I’d forgotten what it actually felt like to feel ok.
In fact I think I’d even convinced myself I was feeling better some days and there was no one shadowing me day in day out to call my bluff. It’s hard to notice how far we’ve drifted when there’s no one alongside us, no colleague at the next desk, no partner seeing the behind-the-scenes. Whether you're solo in your business, or remote in a team, it’s easy to convince yourself you’re fine when you're not.
Being that I’m always on the look out for a tool making opportunity, I realised that what I needed was some kind of red flag/early warning system that would help me identify when I was ACTUALLY really ill.
Something that would override what the NHS website told me.
Something that bypassed the ways I can talk myself into thinking I’m fine.
And something so specific and tangible that it would show up in the everyday of life.
This is what I came up with:
My “How I know I’m really ill” Red Flags
If I order takeaway two days or more in a row.
Why this works? Takeaway is rare in this house because I enjoy cooking and knowing what I’m feeding my kids is fresh.
If I book one of those quick, small grocery deliveries for two days or more in a row.
Why this works? I live two minutes away from loads of shops and like popping out, so this is odd behaviour for me.
If, when people ask how I am, I say “I’m fine” with no extra detail.
Why this works? It means I have no energy to think about or describe how I’m really feeling.
I’m particularly pleased with these as I think they work for mental, emotional and physical health warnings AND they’re enough for me to say, “hang on a minute somethings not right here.”
So back to Sunday evening and I’m still struggling with my newsletter, but I’ve had that TV detective moment - you still with me?
What I’d realised was I needed a red flag system for my work habits too. For when a decision feels particularly heavy and hard and before I’m so deep in it, I can’t see how much I’m drifting from the shore. Something that says, “Bev, this shouldn’t be this hard, something else is going on.”
So I stopped and gave myself some time to notice what was wrong. I spent most of the next day away from my laptop. And what I realised was, the problem wasn’t with the format of the newsletter or what I was writing as such. It was how I was approaching it. I’d quietly slid into a few familiar decision-making patterns or what I’m calling Decision Lenses:
Borrowed Lens: I’d been searching for answers from others - people and Google - instead of stepping away and trusting myself.
Pace and Pressure Lens: I had a fast approaching deadline and was pressuring myself to share too many ideas, and wanting them all to land perfectly with every one.
I’m going to be sharing more on decision lenses in the coming weeks but for now, I just want to say that our default behaviours work well for us, until they don’t. For example, some overthinking helps me access new creative ideas but when I’m under pressure, my overthinking can become a heavy weight, dragging me further and further away from making a decision.
So, sometimes we need help noticing we’re drifting too far from the shore - because as much as anything people, that’s just a waste of good time and energy.
Especially when working alone, either as a solo founder, or just the only one in the room holding the big decision, there’s no obvious signal to say, “You’re off course.” No one’s watching as we circle the same question for hours or days or weeks!
So here’s what I made:
My “How I know a business decision has gone sideways” Red Flags
When I feel that itchy uncomfortable feeling in my body every time I’m thinking about the decision, even after a walk or a snack.
Why this works? I can convince my own head that I just need to do more research, but my body knows better!
If I’m asking for more than three external validations, and I’m still not able to move forward - applies to asking people or tech such as Google!
Why this works? Getting external feedback is great but if it doesn’t help me move on, I’m maybe asking the wrong questions.
When I keep starting again. For example, more than 10 pages of handwritten notes or more than two digital documents for the same research or copy. Or opening “just one more tab” for the fifth time for a slightly different kind of research.
Why this works? Because these aren’t the actions of someone just needing to edit the words or research they have. They’re a sign that I’m looking for something else, subconsciously I know something’s wrong - my conscious brain just needs to catch up!
Which brings us to this week’s question:
Why this question?
Because decisions don’t always feel like decisions. They can feel like discomfort, or fiddling with fonts and rewriting the same sentence four times.
And when we work alone, even inside a team, it’s extra hard to notice when our default working patterns are being quietly pushed to extremes. Because they don’t disappear under pressure, they often get louder. Overthinking turns into analysis paralysis. Control turns into tunnel vision. Avoidance becomes full-on ghosting.
Red flags aren’t just self-awareness tools. They’re what help you build in reflection when no one else is watching AND they act as your check-in when there’s no one sitting next to you, seeing you spiral.
They help you spot what feels like procrastination but what I’m starting to see might actually be protection. Protection from doing the wrong thing and causing harm or missing something.
Because it’s in moments of heavy decisions that our values can get stretched and impact begins to whisper to us. It’s also an opportunity to create and build some infrastructure in our businesses to help notice those murmurings, rather than speed past the discomfort of they bring.
And so that’s what this week’s tool is for, to help you see the drift, before you’re fully lost at sea.
Try this tool this week: Decider Slider & Red Flags
This week for the first time I’ve created a document to help you think through and
work out what your default decision behaviours are so that you can
notice where you tend to slide under pressure so that you can
create your own red flags to spot the slide sooner
Try it with a teammate or someone you trust to see if they spot patterns you miss.
I really hope you find this useful, the document will be available on the Google doc link for a couple of weeks and then I’ll be reviewing. So if you do have any feedback or thoughts I’d really appreciate you dropping me a message.
Need more help?
I’ve created, a new Red Flag Session, available over the next few weeks only where we can work through this together so you have your own early warning system to spot when you’re drifting away from the shore, book here.
I really hope you feel this week’s newsletter was worth the wait and next week’s Monday newsletter publication will resume.
Onward,
Inspiration & Credits:
I hope giving some distance between sources and their links frees you from ending up in an unintended rabbit hole! If you’re interested though - click away!
This week’s edition is brought to you by too many open tabs and my inner but very loud Overthinker! Feel free to drop me a message if you’ve found yourself in a similar space.