Welcome to A Question of Impact
👋🏼I’m Bev Costoya. This week we’re going from “What’s for dinner?” to the invisible forces shaping every decision you make in business.
You know that feeling, when someone asks you “what’s for dinner?” and you want to scream into the void?
I’ve been thinking about that lots recently and how that one question often feels more like a final straw!
Because in theory it looks like I have full autonomy to decide what food to make AND yet, we all know that’s a lie!
When I first set up my company over 25 years ago, I had two co-founders. We used to laugh that there was never a stalemate, we simply allowed a majority to decide and cracked on.
Then, for the past 20 years, I’ve had just one co-founder. We learnt to compromise. We made decisions based on what would keep the company going, sometimes that meant playing it safe, not always exploring or expanding, but building something sustainable.
After my youngest child started school and I came up for air, my brain was yearning to learn and think differently and try something new. My business partner was really supportive, and clear: she wanted to stick to what she knew. Any new ideas I could go ahead with, she’d encourage me, but she wouldn’t be joining me.
So I threw myself into rabbit holes1: data privacy, digital wellbeing, feminist business models - a whole new world of online learning. The freedom to choose was intoxicating, after so many years of compromise. Suddenly every decision was mine and mine alone. What to focus on and who to work with. It felt liberating and powerful - until it didn’t. After a while it felt totally overwhelming.
Because high autonomy, making your own choices, sounds like a dream. Until it turns out to be a weight you’re carrying alone. Until the thrill wears off and the pressure starts creeping in.
So the relentless “what’s for dinner?” conundrum in a house where you’re the only one deciding, isn’t just about dinner. It’s a stand-in for every decision we make daily, constantly, often alone and using precious energy every time2 - even when it’s a unconscious choice. And the factors influencing that choice and whirring in our brains are so much deeper than they first appear. Here’s the kind of questions whirring in my brain over something as seemingly simple as “what’s for dinner?”:
What will the kids actually eat?
What’s in the fridge/cupboard/freezer?
What do we fancy?
What did we have for dinner yesterday?
What did we have for lunch?
How much energy do I have?
How much time do I have?
How hungry is everyone?
What ideas might I have seen recently, that looked looked delicious and achievable?
Is it a meat night or a veggie night?
What’s healthy?
What’s in season?
You get the idea. It’s not just as simple as “what’s for dinner'?”
It’s inner turmoil with a side of values, constraints, energy, history, social pressure and emotional bandwidth AND I’m the only one with the responsibility for that decision, day in and day out.
So when you’re struggling with making decisions alone in your business, remember, there’s no such thing as a fully autonomous decision. Even when the choice is “yours,” it’s shaped by things specific to you, such as:
what you know
what you can access
who you’re caring for
what you’ve seen before
the consequences of the decision.
And if we don’t acknowledge that, we’re left wondering why we can’t make decisions like someone else does.
Which brings us to this week’s question:
Why this question?
Because some decisions don’t feel hard until you name what’s quietly shaping them. From your energy and your values, to pleasing your children or making sure they eat enough vegetables. Invisible pressure is still pressure. And it shrinks our sense of choice and sometimes leave us blaming ourselves for not choosing bigger but the truth is, the conditions are never neutral.
This question is here to help you notice what’s going on behind the scenes so you can bring more awareness into what’s impacting your decisions and giving yourself a break when it all feels too much.
Try this tool this week: Decision Disentangler
Let’s unearth what’s really influencing your decisions, I’ve added in the dinner questions I shared above so you get the idea. Try filling it in using a specific business decision you’re wrestling with and see who’s whispering in your ear or maybe shouting really loudly!
Values: What’s healthy? What’s in season? What do I fancy?
Resources: What’s in the fridge? How much energy or time do I have?
Social Influence: What have I seen online lately?
Memory/Pattern: What did we eat for lunch/dinner yesterday?
Care: What will the kids eat?
You don’t need to use all five categories. Even naming one invisible influence can help clarify why a decision feels heavier than it looks at first glance.
⚡️If this week’s question hit a nerve and you’re tired of figuring it out alone, I’ve got you. I’ve got some availability for my Birth or Bury sessions for business owners who need help finally moving that idea on their to-do list. We’ll figure out whether to to bring it to life or lay it to rest. [Check it out here.]
Till next week,
P.S. Quick dinner win - this great website has been saving me from dinnertime meltdown, a few recipes have become household regulars.
Inspiration & Credits:
I hope giving some distance between sources and their links frees you from ending up in an unintended rabbit hole! If you’re interested though - click away!